April 17, 2014

Here at Rix Petroleum our network of fuel depots keep people warm across vast swathes of the UK, and ensure vehicles keep moving.

But today we are very grateful we don’t have a depot in Herefordshire because, quite simply, no one there is safe.

Currently local residents are cowering under beds and behind wardrobes, fearing for their lives as a creature so foreign to this ancient English shire county terrorises the local area.

Forget big cats or wild dogs, something far more sinister is on the prowl – a 6ft South American rhea, capable of disembowelling a man with a single swipe of its deadly claws, which has escaped from an enclosure and is roaming the countryside.

The huge bird, which has a top speed of around 40mph, has been on the run for about a month now evading all efforts to capture it.

In a statement clearly aimed at calming fears, a spokesperson for the RSPCA said: “They look nice but they are so strong it’s unbelievable. They aren’t listed as a dangerous animal but can kill you with one strike of their feet because their claws are six inches long. They will also go for your eyes with their beak.”

The three-year-old female, which has a blood curdling call more akin to a mammal’s roar than a bird, appears to have acclimatised well to life in the wilds, having made its home in a local field.

But it has been spotted in villages up to five miles away from where it escaped in Brent Pelham, striking fear into the heart of all those who come across it.

So there you have it, Herefordshire is under siege by a giant South American ostrich which refuses to be captured. Our advice is if you are down that way, don’t get in a flap, but keep your eyes peeled and report any suspicious avian activity to the Police.

And whatever you do don’t approach the creature as one swipe from its deadly claws is bound to put you on your rhea!

comments powered by Disqus