December 01, 2014
Ah Christmas, don’t you just love it? Family, friends, gifts and enough food and booze to sink a battle ship. And who could forgot naff films, Christmas specials and falling asleep in front of the Queen’s speech. What a way to end the year.
But before you get there there’s a lot of preparation to do. After all it’s only December 1st – there’s a long way to go the big day. And during those preparations you cannot adopt a one-style-fits-all approach, no no no, you have to tailor it to the universally recognised different types of Christmas people, known to everyone as elves and scrooges.
Elves of course love Christmas and everything about it. They are the ones who start to get excited in September and want the tree up on November 1st. They like nothing more than fairy lights and pretty gifts, the warmth of a real fire and a big, woolly jumpers.
Scrooges are the exact opposites. They are the bah-humbugs of the world, those that don’t even want to hear the word Christmas until December 23rd and the ones that leave all their shopping until Christmas Eve.
We all know our fair share of elves and scrooges so to help you prepare we’ve devised this fool-proof guide to see you through the run up to Christmas unscathed. With luck, and a little bit of help from Rix, none of your friends will be left disappointed when the holidays get underway.
When the elves come to visit:
- Dig out the Christmas compilation album and sing along as you draft in everyone in or near your house to help put the tinsel up.
- Buy a reindeer jumper – you know you want one anyway and all your elf friends will love it.
- While on the computer, remember to put in your online order for Rix heating fuel.
- Excitedly tell everyone one you were sure you saw snowflakes fall past the window, even if the sun is shining brightly.
- Serve up warm mince pies and hot drinks laced with alcohol (for the adults only, of course) and have plenty of chocolates for the kids.
- Forbid anyone entering from your bedroom which by now should be littered half-wrapped presents and wrapping paper.
- If you haven’t already put your Christmas tree up tell your elf friends it’s because you can’t decide between a real or fake tree and then spend an hour discussing the pros and cons of which thereafter.
- Start a round of your favourite Christmas carols and encourage everyone to join in. After all, nothing says Christmas like Deck the Hall or Good King Wenceslas sung slightly out of tune with everyone struggling to remember the words. If they protest ask them what it is about joy they don’t like!
When the scrooges pay a visit:
- If you’ve already put your Christmas decorations up blame the kids/spouse/dog for wanting and tell them if it was up to you, the tree wouldn’t go up until Christmas Eve.
- Offer them a cup of tea or coffee but absolutely nothing festive such as a mince pie or piece of Christmas cake.
- Talk about the weather, or work, but absolutely nothing to do with Christmas, unless it is to say what a waste of time it is.
- Slam the door in the face of carol singers should they call, telling them is it ‘far too early for all that nonsense’.
- Mention how you always turn the sound off on the TV off when any of the latest mawkish supermarket Christmas adverts come on.
- If anyone in your household is wearing a reindeer jumper, make sure you tell them how ridiculous they look in front of your visitor.
- Say bah-humbug.
- State loudly how you’re off to buy some heating oil from Rix Petroleum as it is a much better way of spending your money than on expensive gifts.
- Say bah-humbug again and then usher your visitor out of the door.
- Go and find the carol singers and apologise.
- Apologise to the family member whose reindeer jumper you insulted!
By following these simple guidelines carefully you should be well prepared for anyone popping in over the next few weeks, no matter what they think about the festive season.
As for you, whether you’re an elf or a scrooge, we at Rix don’t mind a bit, just as long as you enjoy the Christmas season your way, with the warmth and comfort of knowing we here for you when you need us, but please don't forget to order your heating oil in time for Christmas, we'd hate it if you ran out and couldn't cook the Christmas Turkey!